September 26, 2017
Here, Hold My Worth
One of my clients, a climbing celebrity, explained to me that she faces a lot of, "who are YOU, and what have YOU done?" when she's around other accomplished role models. In these situations, she’d always felt the need to prove herself, or shrink away for fear of being seen as 'less.'
She used an example from a few weeks prior, at a party with one of the biggest pop stars all women idolize. (Anonymity is taking serious willpower here). Around this particular singer, my client has a habit of shrinking and going speechless. When asked who she is or what she does, she either fumbles with her words, hoping she can come up with an impressive line, or fakes confidence. I looked at her and asked, "so what if you just told her your name, what you do, and that's it? No frills, no impressing?"
She looked at me like I was telling a joke.
"Seriously. What if that was enough? What if when your favourite singer gives you the eye roll at a party, you could reach your hand out to shake hers, instead of questioning all of your triumphs, hard work and worthiness?"
The thing is, in those moments of trying to impress someone, we make them responsible for our worthiness. The best part of the whole thing? Worthiness is a bankrupt, unwinnable concept. And in that moment that you make someone else responsible for your worthiness, you place a huge weight and responsibility on their shoulders. They’re just trying to manage their own insecurities - they don’t need to manage yours too.
Make no one responsible for your worthiness but you. How treacherous, to give someone else that job! You are enough - but you're also the one who decides you're enough. From there, life is a playground.